An Ode to this glorious, sunny day

 for now we are young let us lay in the sun and count every beautiful thing we can see/ can't believe how strange it is to be anything at all


's all i've got

anyone lived in a pretty how town
(with up so floating many bells down)
spring summer autumn winter
he sang his didn't he danced his did

Women and men(both little and small)
cared for anyone not at all
they sowed their isn't they reaped their same
sun moon stars rain

children guessed(but only a few
and down they forgot as up they grew
autumn winter spring summer)
that noone loved him more by more

when by now and tree by leaf
she laughed his joy she cried his grief
bird by snow and stir by still
anyone's any was all to her

someones married their everyones
laughed their cryings and did their dance
(sleep wake hope and then)they
said their nevers they slept their dream

stars rain sun moon
(and only the snow can begin to explain
how children are apt to forget to remember
with up so floating many bells down)

one day anyone died i guess
(and noone stooped to kiss his face)
busy folk buried them side by side
little by little and was by was

all by all and deep by deep
and more by more they dream their sleep
noone and anyone earth by april
wish by spirit and if by yes.

Women and men(both dong and ding)
summer autumn winter spring
reaped their sowing and went their came
sun moon stars rain

I had a day off from my internship today, so I:
Ate breakfast with a friend (fresh squeezed oj, coffee, eggs)
Got a book from the library (Snow Falling on Cedars)
Sprawled out on the beach for 4 hours, read, listened to Led Zeppelin (2 albums)
Did Pilates (1/2 hour)
Went to Yoga class on the beach (1 hour)

<3333333333333333333333

hey!

human development internship
childhood roles and family systems
honors literature: caribbean lit. & film

HEY

Today I completed the first day of training for my internship! Here is the title: Non-Abusive Psychological and Physical Intervention training. I learned two ways to stop someone from choking me, how to get out of a death grip on my hair, and most importantly, I learned up on verbal de-escalation skills... the trainer was super funny and nice. I'm looking forward to getting schooled.

"People have (with the help of conventions) oriented all their solutions toward the easy and toward the easiest side of the easy; but it is clear that we must hold to what is difficult; everything alive holds to it, everything in Nature grows and defends itself in its own way and is characteristically and spontaneously itself, seeks at all costs to be so and against all opposition. We know little, but that we must hold to what is difficult is a certainty that will not forsake us; it is good to be solitary, for solitude is difficult; that something is difficult must be a reason the more for us to do it.

To love is good, too: love being difficult. For one human being to love another: that is perhaps the most difficult of all out tasks, the ultimate, the last test and proof, the work for which all other work is but preparation. For this reason young people, who are beginners in everything, cannot yet know love: they have to learn it. With their whole being, with all their forces, gathered close about their lonely, timid, upward-beating heart, they must learn to love. But learning time is always a long, secluded time, and so loving, for a long while ahead and far into life, is solitude, intensified and deepened loneness for him who loves.

Love is at first not anything that means merging, giving over and uniting with another (for what would a union be of something unclarified and unfinished, still subordinate?), it is a high inducement to the individual to ripen, to become world, to become world for himself for another's sake. It is a great exacting claim upon him, something that chooses him out and calls him to vast things. Only in this sense, as the task of working at themselves ("to hearken and to hammer day and night"), might young people use the love that is given them. Merging and surrendering and every kind of communion is not for them (who must save and gather for along, long time still), is the ultimate, is perhaps that for which human lives as yet scarcely suffice.

Whoever looks seriously at it finds that neither for death, which is difficult, nor for difficult love has any explanation, any solution, any hint of way yet been discerned; and for these two problems that we carry wrapped up and hand on without opening, it will not be possible to discover any general rule resting in agreement. But in the same measure in which we begin as individuals to put life to the test, we shall, being individuals, meet these great things at closer range.

The demands which the difficult work of love makes upon our development are more than life-size, and as beginners we are not up to them. But if we nevertheless hold out and take this love upon us as burden and apprenticeship, instead of losing ourselves in all the light and frivolous play, behind which people have hidden from the most earnest earnestness of their existence - then a little progress and alleviation will perhaps be perceptible to those who come long after us; that would be much"

in all the world, there is no one else exactly like me everything that comes out of me is authentically me because I alone chose it - I own everything about me my body, my feelings, my mouth, my voice, all my actions, whether they be to others or to myself - I own my fantasies, my dreams, my hopes, my fears - I own all my triumphs and successes, all my failures and mistakes because I own all of
me, I can become intimately acquainted with me - by so doing I can love me and be friendly with me in all my parts - I know there are aspects about myself that puzzle me, and other aspects that I do not know - but as long as I am friendly and loving to myself, I can courageously and hopefully look for solutions to the puzzles and for ways to find out more about me - however I look and sound, whatever I say and do, and whatever I think and feel at a given moment in time is authentically me - If later some parts of how I looked, sounded, thought and felt turn out to be unfitting, I can discard that which is unfitting, keep the rest, and invent something new for that which I discarded - I can see, hear, feel, think, say, and do I have the tools to survive, to be close to others, to be productive to make sense of the world of people and things outside of me - I own me, and therefore I can engineer me - I am me and I am okay?

You stopped by, I was all alive in my doorway, we shucked and jived and when you wept, I was gone: see, I got gone when I got wise but I can't with certainty say we survived then down, and down and down, and down and down, and deeper toke without sound the blameless flames you endless sleeper through fire below, and fire above, and fire within sleeped through the things that couldn't have been if you hadn't have been and when the fire moves away, son why would you say I was the last one? all my bones they are gone, gone, gone take my bones, I don't need none cold, cold cupboard, lord, nothing to chew on! suck all day on a cherry stone dig a little hole, not three inches round spit your pit in the hole in the ground weep upon the spot for the starving of me till up grow a fine young cherry tree

as old as my tongue and slightly older than my teeth

...And the point is, to live everything. If only human beings could more humbly receive this mystery- which the world is filled with, even in its smallest Things-, could bear it, endure it, more solemnly, feel how terribly heavy it is, instead of taking it lightly. The thought of being a creator, of engendering, of shaping is nothing without the thousand fold assent of Things and animals- and our enjoyment of it is so beautiful and rich because it is full of inherited memories of the engendering and birthing of millions. We have no reason to harbor any mistrust against our world, for it is not against us. If it has terrors, they are our terrors; its abysses belong to us. And if only we arrange our life in accordance with the principle which tells us that we must always trust in the difficult, then what now appears to us as the most alien will become our most intimate and trusted experience. Perhaps all the dragons in our lives are princesses who are only waiting to see us act, just once, with beauty and courage. Perhaps everything that frightens us is, in its deepest essence, something helpless that wants our love. So you mustn’t be frightened, dear Sir, if a sadness rises in front of you, larger than any you have ever seen; if an anxiety, like light and cloud-shadows, moves over your hands and over everything you do. You must realize that something is happening to you, that life has not forgotten you, that it holds you in its hand and it will not let you fall

X'll mark the place like the parting of the waves like a house falling in the sea, In the sea

is coming home from MADAGASCAR for Christmas <333333333333333

I wished to go completely outside and to make a symbolic start for my enterprise of regenerating the life of humankind within the body of society and to prepare a positive future in this context.
Let's talk of a system that transforms all the social organisms into a work of art, in which the entire process of work is included... something in which the principle of production and consumption takes on a form of quality. It's a Gigantic project.

I just turned in a 20 paged paper my brain is completely dead except for this thought: one day I would very much like to raise an australian shepherd of my very own

Noosphere

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

In the thought of Vladimir Vernadsky and Teilhard de Chardin, the noosphere (sometimes spelled noösphere) can be seen as the "sphere of human thought" being derived from the Greek νούς ("nous") meaning "mind" + σφαίρα (sfaira) meaning "sphere", in the style of "atmosphere" and "biosphere." In the original theory of Vernadsky, the noosphere is the third in a succession of phases of development of the Earth, after the geosphere (inanimate matter) and the biosphere (biological life). Just as the emergence of life fundamentally transformed the geosphere, the emergence of human cognition fundamentally transforms the biosphere. In contrast to the conceptions of the Gaia theorists, or the promoters of cyberspace, Vernadsky's noosphere emerges at the point where humankind, through the mastery of nuclear processes, begins to create resources through the transmutation of elements.

For Teilhard, the noosphere is best described as a sort of 'collective consciousness' of human-beings. It emerges from the interaction of human minds. The noosphere has grown in step with the organization of the human mass in relation to itself as it populates the earth. As mankind organizes itself in more complex social networks, the higher the noosphere will grow in awareness. This is an extension of Teilhard's Law of Complexity/Consciousness, the law describing the nature of evolution in the universe. Pierre Teilhard de Chardin, added that the noosphere is growing towards an even greater integration and unification, culminating in the Omega Point—which he saw as the goal of history.

 

there's a lot from my dreams lately that I want to mention but also in addition to the human emotional/cognitive/spiritual/creative development stuff that I always find interesting I've been lately really, really enjoying science and finding it especially exciting ESPECIALLY learning about thermohaline circulation and the idea that the earth as a whole (especially when looking at the connections between the ocean and the atmosphere) acts like one living organism because of its ability to self regulate and then I shot off on a happy fantasy about entire earths being inside of every self regulating organism or cell and blah dee blah

anyway, much of it has slipped away because i didn't write it immediately afterward but
I was at Emily Lancaster's wedding or remembering it and seeing it as if I were there all over again I must have been in the same church just remembering it, a UU church on Randolph that isn't really there and some parts of the service were very ominous the whole congregation turning backwards to acknowledge some very dark presence but at other times I was wishing I could have shown Morgan how, when I was in middle school, our congregation was full of pierced faces dyed chopped spiked dredded hair those days with enormous jeans and a hundred plastic bracelets at the other U.U. church that really did happen in waking life  and then the other part I was hurrying to a backyard (maybe gary and katie's but not quite), I knew he was following me but I pretended not to you know that great feeling when you know someone is admiring you but you don't take advantage of it, you don't embarrass the person and so I ran to jump on the hammock and I saw a long stretched out shadow like a spindley scarecrow wearing a fedora and I hopped in the hammock and had the most vivid mystical experience watching a huge moon figure and some things like a cluster of shooting stars suspended in time with their tails frozen in time , but the entire cluster moving in unison slowly just behind the huge moon and following it were two other large planet forms and they slowly turned into a sort of virtual  3-D diagram 

not sure if it was before or after but just near the hammock my mother was uncovering a layer of rotted casserole from underneath soft black dirt in a garden plot

and then he was standing above me, looking at the moon asking how does the marriage song go? some song that you sing to the moon about marriage that most english speaking people know even though it was in german sort of like frere jaques but in german instead of french and I hummed some of the words to help him remember but I can't for the life of me remember now

Boy, says Old Angel, this amazing nonsensical rave of yours wherein I spose you'd think you'd in some lighter time find hand be-almin ya for the likes of what ya devote yaself to, pah -- bum with a tail only means one thing, -- They know that in sauerkraut bars, god the chew chew & wall lips-And not only that but all them in describable paradises aye -- ah -- Angel m boy-Jack, the born with a tail bit is a deal that you never dream'd to redeem -- verify -- try to see as straight-you wont believe even in God but the devil worries you-you & Mrs Tourian -- great gaz-zuz & I'd as life be scoured with a leaf rust as hear this poetizin horseshit everywhere I want to hear the sounds thru the window you promised me when the Midnight bell on 7th St did toll bing bong...Pirilee pirilee, tzwe tzwi tzwa, -- tack tick-birds & firewood. The dream is already ended and we're already awake in the golden eternity.